Rules for buying gifts for men!

Disclaimer: These rules were not in any way authored by me. They were produced by a community of people. They are not in their original form because I had to eliminate a few to maintain a G rating.

Rules for Buying Gifts for Men

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has
yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless
drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are
you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something
to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No
one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy
men bathrobes. If men really wanted to wear bathrobes, they wouldn't
have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-
screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild
as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #7: Buy men label makers. They are almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You
get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #8: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required"
on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have
parts left over.

Rule #9: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Lowes, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab
Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also
excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it
is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a
starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook-but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who
wants a hamburger?"

Rule #11: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century
Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why-please refer to Rule #8 and what
happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an
extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a
hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Stay tuned for the second, much better list without the constant refrain "No one knows why."